Moles be gone

So today I got myself a thirtieth birthday gift -- I got my moles removed! There's nothing more that says "old black woman" than a bunch of moles, or "skin tags" as my dermatologist calls them. I got them all removed from my chest area and face. I had about fifteen all together. I keep calling my transformation "Swan '07" Swan is from that highly ridiculous, but entertaining show where uglys transform into swans... So that's my new campaign...Swan '07.

At the end of the year, i'll be skinny, with huge ta-tas and plenty of ass...just kidding...well maybe...OK OK that would be my dream...

Things that happen at 4am

Well I did it. I posted a personal ad on yahoo personals. It was 4am on a Saturday night and I was lonely, so that gave me every right...right? This is my "profile:"

As an aspiring writer, this should be clever. So here I am at 4am writing this "profile." Umm...well I'm about to turn 30 and I figure, ok I'm tired, of being alone. So I'm being brave and putting myself out there. I work with families and children but my passion lies in television. I watch a lot of it, especially the Food Network. My love of the Food Network has nothing to do with me being fat. I swear!! I love all types of music. I like people who like to try different things and are patient -- you never know what you may get if wait a little bit...A fault of mine is that I have yet to "let go." I have been a good girl all my life -- it's time for me to have some fun...I don't like to be bothered every minute of the day. If I spoke to you at 11am, I don't need to talk to you at 11:05am. I value the concept of "me time."

So that was it. I did not include a pic, cause...I don't want to put myself on blast. The funny thing about personals is that it's like "they really wrote that?!!" I love the personals that men write... "I'm looking for a God-fearing woman that loves long strolls on the beach..." While they are typing you can almost see them saying to themselves "Yeah, the bitches will love this!" Oh well. It was just a one time 4am thing. Tonight I'm going to bed at 10pm.

Thoughts on the biker party

After thinking about the "biker party" I have come to the conclusion that I was a bit unfair. The people were not all that bad. Actually they weren't bad at all. It was me. I was uncomfortable. It was not ghetto, at least not all that ghetto. See, I'm playing catch up in the social game, so social situations irk me. They make me nervous. Too many men make me nervous (what we dream about is totally different from reality ;) I did not have a good time. As I'm forming my social reality, I've found out that I enjoy movies, concerts, and museums -- that sort of thing. But I can't help to think if I was smaller would I have had a good time? Probably so. it hit me that i'm not comfortable in my own skin. and that's nobody's fault, but my own.

Ruff Riders Biker Party - No i'm not kidding

Ok, so this Saturday my best friend invited me to what was described as a "beef and beer" party. it turned out to be a biker party, but not just any biker party, a RUFF RIDER biker party. instead of writing about the night, i'm going to tell the story through text messages:
6:20pm - Pls talk to me. At a biker party. I'm SO out of place here.
6:35pm - If I did not drive, I would PAY U 2 pick me up.
6:38pm- WHY AM I HERE?!?!?
6:41PM - I came with kamah and aquilla. They are cool, but this ish. Um its given by ruff riders. Yes you read that correctly.
6:53pm - Tears. Why couldn't i have hung around more blk people in college and not effeminate blk men and white girls. Why?
6:55pm- ITS NO AIR IN HERE. I'm abt to take this jacket off. I have a halter on too
7:06PM - It's the gospel according to DMX in this bitch.
7:09pm- I can only take ni**ahs in very small doses. I've o'ded today.
7:24pm- My face has been buried in this phone every since i got here.
7:29Pm - (my friend asked me if I could "hook up" with anyone, this was my response) I don't have a weave plus I'm fat in the wrong places, so...
7:36pm- I hav a girdle on. So uncomfortable.
7:53pm- This is going to rank as the worst moment of 2006, unless I die, and I still think death would be a distant 2.
7:56pm - According to this record, we can get crunk(ed) in da club.
8:10pm- DONE IT'S OVER!!!

i think my mom thinks i'm hot

why else would she follow me around the house in the morning when i'm getting dressed or getting out of the shower? it does not matter what she is doing, as soon as i turn off the shower, she comes. and she just stands there, talking about some ol bulls**t. "you know miss peggie feeds the possums (yes, the environment is going to hell -- we have possums in west philly,) that's why i have to put the trash cans in the garage..." I DON'T GIVE A SH**! ITS 8AM! WTF MAN! so in my nicest voice i say, "um, i'm getting out now." she says "oh." like she's disapointed. when i get out of the shower, I think its clear, i've heard to bathroom door close BUT there she is lurking in the hallway like a perv. soggy towel half wrapped around me, i rush by her, while she continues with her possum/miss peggie story. i get half ready, and head down to the basement cause most of my clothes are there. here she comes. she's off the urban posums, but now she's talking about matt and ann. i don't know matt and ann, never been on the today show, hope to work for the today show one day, but right now i'm trying to move my a** cause it's 9:15am and i'm supposed to be at work by 9. she follows me downstairs, and while i'm trying to look for good panties, she's staring at me talking! WHY? I don't even respond back. i grunt. so it's not the conversation that she craves. it's has to be my body. the only conclusion that i can come up with is she must think i'm hot. when i'm finally dressed, she turns her head, mumbles something about me being late, and starts ironing........

more sightings

man. justice is sooo subjective. was in family court today. lady was suppose to get her kid back. she has come to all the medical and visits at the agency. dhs (department of human services) didnot take her kid, she signed at VPA (voluntary placement aggreement) cause she did not have housing. so she did THINK she was doing to right thing.....well she was wrong...she did not get her baby back...i could not believe that sht. SHE DID EVERYTHING THAT SHE WAS SUPPOSE TO DO and she GETS SCREWED. BIG TIME.

crab legs and shrimp time!

so its another fun filled day sitting in family court. the dark, dank room is filled with the usual- crying babies, pregnant teens, and mothers hollering "I WANT MY CHILD BACK." You can hear social workers saying "well you did not pass the drug test and you missed thirty-one out of thirty-one visits with your children, so...... Welcome to my world -- Family Court, or as we in the industry say "1801 Vine." you hear a lot of sh** in family court; the perp (perpetrator) digitally penetrated the three year old..." "mom stated that she wants she parental rights terminated cause she's 21 and just started to "get her party on..." so you hear a lot of bulls**. but of all the crap I have heard, this has got to be the best. I was sitting in the holding pen (that's basically what it is,) waiting to be called. I'm not one to make small talk, so I was staring at the 13inch television that is mounted to the wall, tuned to ESPN (i never understood that,) then I read some letter about a kid who has HIV (a lawyer was holding the letter face up-- so much for confidentiality.) So my client's other social worker (yeah she got three and is still f/ed up,) said " yeah liz, you should be getting money soon. its the first of the month." you know what this bit** said... "Crab legs and shrimp time!!" CRAB LEGS AND SHRIMP TIME... WTF!??? she said it loud, with a neck roll! it actually sounded like that Crabbb leaggggs and shramp timmmme. in a room full of people. how ghetto is that? HOW GHETTO??!?! and its not like she EARNED "crab legs and shrimp time" its WELFARE that paying that. me, i'm paying for that sh**. every other friday I treat myself to a nice meal. that's just every other friday, before I drop my bills in the mail. but this bit** gets to FEAST on CRAB LEGS AND SHRIMP daily......or at least to the 15th of the month......when her "stamps" run out. where is the justice.....

eating cadbury's chocolate

eating chocolate at 1 in the am...whats in my (or since i live with my madre) her refrigerator? two luna bars and slim fast optima......... ummmmm kristin