Today I picked up my transcripts from the college that i graduated from. shit. i had no idea that it was that bad. i mean i knew that i graduated with a sucky 2.6 gpa (yeah, with a major in theatre no less,) but i had no idea that i SUCKED at almost every class, for basically my college career. i opened the transcripts when i got in my car, and i was shocked. i mean the thing is i did not even take any hard classes. ubran topics 101 anyone? yeah there is the math (failed twice before passing it with an A no doubt - very strange) and the bullshit science classes, but a C- in art history - come on Kristin! I sat in my car upset, angry and disappointed that i did not take my undergraduate education more seriously. i thought back to the time that i was in school. what did i do? i was not a party animal, had no drug habit, i did not have to work, and to top it off my parents payed for my education, so what the fuck? My sister in law and father died the last year i was in school, and my niece and nephew came to live with us, but still. the only thing i remember about college was being incredibly insecure and amazed at all the different people and lifestyles that i came in contact with on campus. and that i had to get a college education no matter what. it was really more of an experience than education. maybe that's what i will tell any graduate school that i apply to...think they will buy it? i don't either. sigh. i'm most upset with myself because my parents payed for school, well except for that summer session ("i'm not paying for classes that you failed during the year!" my mother said to my after my second F in spanish.) my mom and dad worked so hard so i would not have to worry about paying for college. i wish i could do it all over again, but i can't. i've got to move forward. but who on earth is going to accept an idiot theatre major that failed spanish TWICE, logic once, got a C- in speech for the actor (i was always late, it started at 8:10am) i could go on and on, but i won't. i was depressed for the rest of the day, and after an after work nap, i've decided that i've got to move on and make the best of what was...i mean is...i mean what's coming up. yeah, what's coming up. the best thing is that i understand that i'm in control of my own fate. i mean i could decide to stay lazy and keeping working in a field that i hate, but i'm comfortable with and is good at, or i can make "the plunge" into the field that i know i would great at, but have little experience. or i could play it safe, let go of my dreams, and become a nurse. making that decision now. the thing is, once i make it, i want it to be final. no whining. "oh i wanted to work in television, but.." i don't want to do that. i'm giving myself a month to decide. i'm tired of being broke (social work don't pay shit,) and i'm not getting any younger... so that's it. i'm going to really have to be creative in terms of showing any potential graduate schools that i'm not a dumb dumb, that's going to be hard, but oh well. who ever said life (or happiness) was easy.
