Windows

All my life I have heard the saying, "When one window closes, another one opens." I believe that. But I also believe that it is up to the person to open the window, to make opportunities for yourself. Over the last couple of months I have really been thinking about my life, the choices that I have made, where I am, where I'm going. I know that I am no where I need to be, and worst, I'm no where I thought I would be at 31. Sleeping on on an airbed on my mother's porch, penniless is not where I envisioned myself when I graduated from college at 21. I would have never thought I would be working with the scum of the earth as a social worker. At 21, I knew that at 31, I would be living in a foreign country acting or working in the entertainment field, partnered with some cute, funny, strong German. But here I am. STILL in Philly, very single, very broke, and very unsatisfied with life. That's when the window opens. If everything was perfect, and I was totally satisfied with life, I would be happy, yes, but would have little to battle for. Weight is an issue that has dominated so much of my life, so I decided to look into weight loss surgery. I'm so ashamed to admit that. I'm so out of control that I need part of my stomach taken away. I called my insurance company...Of course it not covered, even if a doctor deems it "medical necessary." My third rate employer's plan does not cover it. So that means I got to buckle down and do this. Since I'm not having the surgery now, I can change jobs. If I was going to have the surgery, I couldn't start a new job and be like "see ya, going to have my stomach stapled!" I'm going to see the positive, and open the window. But I sure hope my blessing is on its way.